Women’s Ministries

And the Winner is…… November 15, 2009

article and photo by Becky Phillips

My oldest is seven years old and full of fire.  Emma is passionate about just about everything, from her favorite food (candy) to her favorite movie (Twelve Dancing Princesses) to bedtime (never).  She can argue until the cows come home or until she gets what she wants.  Round after round, her words hit my ears as we box away.  You’d think that there was actually a fiscal reward for the number of words that constantly stream out.   Most recently Emma has been arguing over a pet.  We’re all allergic to dogs and cats, fortunately, so she’s been pursuing other avenues.  She especially would like “a rabbit or a guinea pig.”  However, I have a distinct aversion to smelly pets.  So, the arguer won, and we all agreed on…. a beta fish!  Little Baby Purple is its name, and Emma couldn’t be happier.  Except two days later, “Mommy, when can we think about getting a rabbit or a guinea pig?”  My husband and I wonder if she may be a lawyer when she grows up.  Sometimes I wonder if she’ll have a daughter who argues as well as she (that’ll teach her).

My daughter reminds me of me.  I can also argue with the best of them.  Most specifically I can argue with God (and my husband).  I get so frustrated when I feel un-listened-to or left out or anxious about tomorrow, or lonely.  The list goes on.

But oh my goodness as I think about how Emma’s words pour out of her mouth and into my ears, I think of how I must sound to God.  Blah, blah, blah, blah…. On and on.  However, the Bible is full of examples of God’s action on behalf of his people when they cry out to him:  the Israelites in Egypt, Hannah’s desire for a child,   And finally, 1 John 5.14: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.”  Thankfully, the Lord is full of mercy and grace when we are right with him.  Our good God listens as an attentive Father who desires the best for his sons and daughters. So, even if I’m pouring out my words to him and it just sounds like a mess to me, He hears me and cares.

Patience and Waiting: My Two Year Lesson (part 3 of 3) October 9, 2009

article by Melissa Twitchell

A Surprising Answer & Lessons Learned
In the middle of March, Women’s Ministries held their annual Women’s Retreat.  I was coming out of my deep grieving but was scared about going and not being able to get past a conversation without having to divulge that John and I didn’t have children.  My friends that I had gone with the previous year where not able to come this year…I was on my own.  I prayed to God that He would get me through this weekend and not allow me to dwell on my grief.  I needed a break.  I will say that the first night was rough as most women get to know each other by talking about their husband and especially their children.  The rest of the weekend was good, though and He did give me a break from my grief.  In fact, that break continued and I was reminded that God was in control and His timing is always perfect.

So for the next couple of weeks, I had hope again and was settling into a peacefully waiting mode.  I was doing a Psalms study that year.  That week’s lesson was on God’s provision of needs, wants and desire. On the night of March 31st, I had just finished doing my daily lesson and was thinking about my desire for children and I needed to go to the bathroom.
Let’s just say that I am extremely regular and almost never late.  This month I was a little late and had two pregnancy tests that were going to expire. So without telling John, I grabbed one and ran into the bathroom. Once I took the test, the pregnancy positive line showed up faster than the base line. I was shocked but knew what it meant.
I thanked God right then and there in my bathroom before running out to show my shocked husband. After I told him twice and showed him the test, I just started to cry. We couldn’t believe we were pregnant! I had a hard time sleeping that night. The next day I was changing my daily Psalms calendar when I noticed my verse for March 31. It read:

He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the Lord~ Psalm 40:3

God had given me a new song of praise for Him. He had answered our prayers and given us a child in an awesome way!  We are still currently waiting for the birth of our first child who should be born around December 8th.

When I look back at our nearly two year journey, I see and have learned several things about myself, God and my relationship with Him.  When I think about why it took me so long to just wait patiently, it boils down to my lack of trust in Him.

In the beginning, I wasn’t relying on God and just assumed that we could make it happen in our timing. As a result, my impatience and pushiness caused some martial strife.  At the beginning of year two, I was starting to learn to rely on Him and learning to wait.  But I didn’t fully understand His silence in response to my prayers in January.  He had told me to wait and I didn’t really. I thought I needed to take action on my own understanding and timing, trusting that God would guide me as I went.  He did but it resulted in me seeing closed doors that caused me deep grief. If I had waited for Him, I may not have had to go some of those low points.

It wasn’t until I put away my efforts and fully trusted in His provision and timing that I was able to experience true peace and lasting hope. Also as a result of this journey, my faith grew enormously.  He was always there, heard my prayers, responded to my first real coming to Him for direction and had given me my desire to be a mother in such a way that it was unquestionably Him.

When I think on His timing of granting me this desire, I am continually amazed.  His timing allowed Him to transform me into a more patient person and into a deeper relationship with Him and His Son. Both of which will ultimately help me be a better mom. He transformed my marriage into a healthier marriage…a marriage that will be able to withstand the addition of parenting roles and be a great living example for our children.  He also used the time to get John and me to reprioritize our life and financial goals and ultimately prepared us and our faith for our next big life challenge.

I know that most people would think that would be parenting but for us, John was laid off four weeks after finding out we were pregnant.  The funny thing was that neither of us has had more than a moment of panic because we both had experienced God in our infertility journey.

We knew that God would provide for us while John looking for a job and would ultimately give John the right job at the right time.  At the time of this writing, John has been laid off for four months and still no strong leads.  We’re still trusting in God’s provision and are peacefully waiting…

Photo by: http://www.christianachilders.com

Patience and Waiting: My Two Year Lesson (part 2 of 3) October 7, 2009

Article submitted by Melissa Twitchell/

Photo by Tammy Circeo

Year Two & Rock Bottom
As I said, I was learning to rely on God and knew that He had ultimate control on when we became parents but was having a hard time with this possible diagnosis and what that would ultimately mean for us.  Last October, I didn’t know how to handle this news and how we were supposed to proceed with starting our family.  I felt just side-swiped by it.  The questions and the possibility of further delays came crashing down around me, along with this new grief caused by the possibility of never being able to naturally conceive.

Biologically conceiving wasn’t our only plan for having a family.  Did we start the adoption process right away? If so, which route would be right for us and according to God’s plan?  International, private, foster-care adopt?  Or one of the newer processes like embryo adoption? Did we wait and see if this surgery side effect would be permanent?  We were going to see some specialists that might give us these answers and maybe some new solutions. Did we continue with trying to conceive with the use of IVF?  If so, how would we afford this?  How would we afford adoption?

During this turmoil, I took a day and went to Rosary Heights for a day of reflection on what God had taught me so far and to ask Him what He wanted us to do next.  I remember very clearly the message and peace that came to me that day.  God gave me a very simple answer…”Wait.”  When I heard this, I experienced that peace that “surpasses any understanding.”  I was fine for the first time in the process with waiting.  I knew that we’d get more information in a few months and could use this time to focus on John’s healing process and I could continue my transformation.  For three months, I was at peace and was doing nothing…I was patiently waiting.

Then January 2009 came to mind as the month that would start things up again.  John would be done seeing his specialists and he’d be done following their suggestions. We’d have a final answer on his situation. January was the month that Presentation Sunday (Cedar Park) would occur.  It was also the month where we’d start talking about IVF and adoption and start researching the different paths.  It seemed innocent enough.  I wasn’t expecting that we’d have all the answers in January, but figured that God would start to lead us according to His plan during this time.  I remember starting to pray in December that God would make the right path very clear. Though, I didn’t hear any response to these prayers. I continued in belief that God would eventually make it clear.

February came and with it a lot of grief and heartache.  I have to say that this was one of the lowest points in my life. In the beginning of February, we were informed that John’s side effect was very likely permanent and we’d need not only IVF but also another special procedure if we wanted to conceive.  I thought I was ready for that news.  I knew that this was a strong possibility but for whatever reason it opened my existing wound and started my grieving again.

Soon after I had my co-worker tell me that she was pregnant.  I was happy for her but was another hit that brought with it renewed grief at my own situation.  How was I going to deal with the attention on her pregnancy for the next nine months without it affecting me?

Over the next couple of weeks, John and I agreed to start the adoption process. I started to contact adoption agencies and make inquires about the process and requirements.  When we reviewed my research, we realized we would need to wait a year and continue getting our finances in control during that time.  This was crushing for me because we were waiting a year to start and most adoptions range from anywhere from 6 months to two years to complete.  We were looking at anywhere from 1.5 years to more than 3 years before we became parents and even that wasn’t a guarantee.  Plus, this was only for our first child.  We wanted three, if not four. I remember crying out to God, “When?  How much longer? Are we even meant to be parents?  Are You trying to tell me something?”  There is no biblical promise that God will make every woman a mother.  Could I handle that?  Could I be satisfied with my relationship with God, my marriage and the other blessings in my life?

You’d think that this would be enough soul hitting hits in a month with only 28 days but it wasn’t.  My best friend called me and told me she was pregnant.  She did it in a way that didn’t allow me to hide my grief while being happy for her.  She also represented the last woman in my life who was trying to be a mom either for the first time or again.  I had several women in my life that during these two years where trying to start or add to their family.  I was the literally the last women in my life circle that was not a mom yet. Not only that… it wasn’t looking like I was going to be one anytime soon.

I felt alone in my journey and at this point, I was at the bottom.  I continued to grieve deeply for a few more weeks.

Editor’s note: as stated above, this is post 2 of 3; see Friday’s post for the next step in Melissa’s journey.

Patience & Waiting: My Two Year Lesson (part 1 of 3) October 6, 2009

article submitted by Melissa Twitchell/photo by Tammy Circeo

My Nature & The First Year

Okay, I will be honest.  I have never been very good at being patient and waiting.  I have always been anxious to have my plans happen right now or on its way with a definite end/deliverable date.  When I rededicated my life to Christ a couple of years ago, this didn’t tendency didn’t disappear overnight.  In fact, my impatience or my “making things happen” just changed in its looks but not feel.  For example, I was very moved and passionate about God’s overwhelming and earth-shattering grace and His transformational power. Please note I still am.  Anyway, I was ready to fully surrender and become a “mature” Christian overnight.  I was doing everything I could in my power to soak up wisdom and try to apply it immediately to my life.  Let just say, that didn’t happen and I have learned since that it will be a life-long journey and not a destination.

My biggest example was my journey on becoming a mother.  I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I remember.  In high school, I wanted ten or twelve kids, both biological and adoptive, and wasn’t shy about sharing my desire to be a mom. I loved the original Cheaper by the Dozen movie and my girlfriends thought I was nuts. My life plan was to be married by age 24 and starting to have kids by age 26.  As I got older, my desire for 10 to 12 kids dropped to 4 but my timeline was still there, as well as, the belief that I would have no problem having children.

Skip forward to two years ago…my husband and I were finally ready to start trying to “start a family.”  Granted, I was 28 ½ and past my life goal timeline but that didn’t matter.  What was two and a half years?  So as we started, my only new timeline was to make sure I was a mom before I turned 30.  And to help with that, I pushed my husband into undergoing medical tests to make sure we were ready to go from the beginning.  Let’s just say my husband wasn’t thrilled with being pushed into this.  I felt bad but not enough to stop because I didn’t want us wasting time trying if it was going to be an issue from the beginning.

When we got the green light, I was diligent in charting, timing and making sure that all the pieces were in place so we’d have the best chances every month…but nothing happened.  Month after month, I would get the reminder that we still weren’t pregnant.  I still remember the deadline month passing. December 2007 was the last month we could possibly conceive and me still be a mom before 30.  It came and went.  I was a little upset at first because I was going to be an “old” first-time mother.

During this time, I was on a transformational track with God. I began to let go of my timelines. After a year of normal trying, we went back and were offered IUI to help in assistance.  A year ago, my husband needed undergo surgery for another unrelated issue. We definitely made sure to ask and confirm that it should have no impact on our efforts. Unfortunately, the surgery did have a disastrous effect and resulted in what is essentially a permanent impairment on our ability to conceive.

Editor’s note: This is entry 1 out of 3 of Melissa’s story. Please check back this week to read the “rest of the story”.  Comment at anytime.

Back To School October 1, 2009

September is IT!
Besides it being my birthday month and the beginning of one of my favorite seasons of the year, it is also the time when kids are heading back to school. This is the month that marks a new beginning with bright red apples and new pencils. The ‘first-day-of-school’ clothes have been bought, lunch makings have been stocked, and the schedule has changed once again. Some moms are ecstatic that their kids are heading back and others are sad. Frankly, I fall somewhere in the middle because I love the routine of the school year, but miss having my kids around.

No matter what kind of school they are attending, we’ve found that having traditions, rituals & routines, and goals about the school year has helped us get our year started and continued with greater ease than if we did things in a willy nilly fashion. Just before school, we do a bit of shopping for clothes although I’m very careful not to be duped by ‘back-to-school’ prices as they are often higher than they should be. I’ve always loved seeing them head off to school that first day in something that makes them feel like a million bucks! We also stock up on notebook paper, pens, and pencils, and now that my kids are in high school, we buy the bulk of our supplies after the first day of school. It seems that they find out more from each teacher what they need that first day so I block out time that afternoon after school to get the last things.

We also are sure to set up daily routines and we review these after the laziness of summer so that everyone is on the same page as to what is expected to be accomplished in the mornings before school, in the afternoons just after school, and throughout the evening to be ready for the next day. Most mornings are the same, but our afternoons, probably like yours, are often all over the place between sports practices and/or games, music lessons and practice, and getting homework done. We make a distinct effort to have dinner together although more and more that means that two or three nights of the week, I’ve prepared food earlier in the day for us to eat in couples or threesomes as our afternoon schedules allow. The evening routine most often includes homework and getting clothes and belongings together for the next day. Whatever your family schedule and priorities are, I encourage you to make routines and spend time together.

I love traditions. They say, “This is important enough to repeat.” And back-to-school traditions are some of my favorite ones. I’ve heard of people doing “Back-to-School Bagels” at the neighborhood bus-stop, inviting everyone to bring their cameras and come a little early on the first morning of school. It’s been many years since I’ve had the opportunity to do that, but one thing that I’ve always done is written my kids a note of encouragement for the school year and given it to them on the first day of school. I’ve written on store-bought cards I’ve bought with them specifically in mind, I’ve written on cards that I’ve made, and I’ve even written on plain old paper once when I found myself unprepared! We don’t usually set a full breakfast table, but on the first day of school, I set the table after the kids have gone to bed the night before, and put their notes at their places. Through the year, I find these notes on their bulletin boards, tucked in their nightstand drawers, used as bookmarks, and sometimes even carelessly thrown in their bedroom floors. I have a feeling that someday I’ll find secret stashes of them on the top shelves of their closets when they move out.

My prayer is that God will give you grace as you settle into a new school year, that He will grant each of your children meaningful friendships with students and teachers alike, that He will cause their brains to be alert, and keep them free of illness. Blessings to you.

Photo and text by Tammy Circeo