Women’s Ministries

Letting Go & Holding On December 24, 2009

article and photo by Tammy Circeo
As a young homemaker and mom, I had all kinds of decorating ideas for my children’s rooms. For the girls, I always thought I would decorate with a vintage flair. You know, pink, chenille, chandeliers … VERY girly, very ME!

For the record, I’ve never been able to decorate my daughters’ rooms that way. Just as I got the pink paint can open for my first daughter’s room, her dad took her to Home Depot to ‘pick out wallpaper and paint’. Keep in mind that she was only about 18 months old, had her daddy wrapped around her little finger, and furthermore, had her own little ideas of what she wanted in her room. They came back with primary colored stripes and …

…Sesame Street Character Wall Border!

The conversation that ensued between my husband and me went something like this:
ME: “Primary colors? Really? What about PINK? And girly stuff? And NOTHING TV or character-related?! This isn’t what I wanted!”

My gentle husband said, “Well, Sweetie, this is what EMILY picked out.”

My reaction wasn’t because I am against Sesame Street at all! Sesame Street saved my sanity on more days than I care to admit! But, I’m pretty sure if I’d been at Home Depot with her, I would’ve been able to gently persuade her towards pink hues, soft edges, a bit of lace …

I’m sure I could’ve done that.

Yeah, pretty sure I could’ve.

My husband understood that it wasn’t a hill to die on, especially with a child of 18 months of age! Did it matter really? Pink and frills versus primary colors and characters?

But for me, the mom, the home decorator, the homemaker … this was a twist on my vision. I had my own ideas and thoughts. I wanted my little girls’ rooms to be what *I* wanted.

I should’ve seen this as a red flag about my control issues. But it has taken many more experiences and warnings, especially my children entering the teen years, for me to realize that my ideas of parenting were way off base!

Contrary to what I thought and what many parents of young children believe, parenting is not about controlling another human. We tend to think that if we can control their behavior and teach them to respond to us the way we desire, then we must be good parents, right?

That might work until the child hits roughly 11 years old or so, the time that these sweet babies start sprouting wings and discovering who they are, what life is all about, and whether this whole ‘spiritual’ stuff that mom and dad have been flapping about has any weight. This is the time that they try to fly the coop, making their own identity known. We know they are not ready to go anywhere yet, but our guiding through the next phase is what MAKES them ready. It seems to be an overwhelmingly hard time for parents.

The whole wing-testing thing can easily blindside us parents and cause us to wonder what we got ourselves into! We start asking, “Who is this questioning human standing in front of me with attitude and what have you done with my beautiful little baby?!”

I’m going to be a bit radical and stand up in defense of those beautiful babies that are now questioning humans with attitude … And I’m going to tell us parents, “Embrace that attitude! Accept it! Love it! Learn from it! Teach to it!” Understand that what we as adults see as “attitude” is more immaturity than rebellion. It is wing-testing, God-ordained, and totally normal in the growth process.

In case you think that by encouraging the acceptance of “attitude”, I’m also advocating disrespect of parents, I will put an end to that thought! That should not be allowed, but respect must be earned. Keeping our fleshly selves out of the picture and allowing God to shine through us will encourage our children to seek God. Our actions, rather than our words, will demand the respect. Ephesians 5 encourages us to “be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live a life of love”. As we imitate God, and work through our human weaknesses, our children can be drawn to God.

Parenting, ultimately, has very little to nothing to do with the birth process or with our own perception of effective parenting. It is all about teaching our children how to grow up with God’s power. It’s about realizing that we are an instrument used by God to bring another human to responsible adulthood.

Sometimes it means allowing our kids to make mistakes, not voicing our own opinions, and allowing their questions. I believe that parenting teens requires providing a path for our children to follow, being their cheerleader, and most importantly their mentor as they test their God-given wings.

As a collector of quotes and lover of words, I find the following to be the embodiment of my raising teens experience: “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” Henry Ellis

May God give me wisdom to do both at the appropriate times.

He Knows my Name December 11, 2009

article by Paula Guest/graphic by Tammy Circeo

He knows my name.  How many times have I read that, or sung that??  But did I believe it??  Did I assume it was meant for someone else?  Or did I just assume it was symbolic? Or allegorical?   Or a metaphorical?  Or an idiom? Or any other figure of speech – except literal!

The following is the story that forever proved to me that not only does God know MY name, but He also orders my days.

I retired from teaching in June ’05.  Mid July of that year we were having a family reunion at our house here in Seattle.  My 87 year old father was failing.  The family felt we needed to come together to celebrate him, and introduce him to his great grandchildren. All five siblings, and 11 of his 13 grandchildren came from all over the country.

Three days into the reunion, while at a picnic on Lake Washington, Dad fell and broke his hip.  He never recovered, and ended up in hospice.  He was an incredible and much beloved father. Sitting by his bedside as his life inched away was an honor that I cherish.

He died mid August.  Since he had spent his entire adult life in Phoenix, we scheduled his memorial service in Phoenix, in mid September.  After returning from the services, I escaped to Sunriver, and spent three weeks in solitude.

Keep in mind the time line here:  Mid July through mid October.

The week I got home from Sunriver, I picked up a phone message.  “This is Jenny. Please call.”

Jenny was Elizabeth’s mother.  And Elizabeth had been in my 2nd grade classroom five years earlier.  The next year, I moved from 2nd grade to become the reading specialist, and had worked with Elizabeth for an additional two years.  I had acted as mentor and counselor for Elizabeth and Jenny both.  Elizabeth was now in Junior High. I had not seen or talked to Jenny in two years. The message, “Please call” was not a welcome one.  I did not WANT to call.  I was retired now!

When I finally, begrudgingly, returned the call.  Jenny’s first question was, “Are you all right?” I said, “Why do you ask?”  She replied that in early July God had told her, “Pray for Paula.”  She said simply, “So I did.  Every day.  I prayed for you.  For your husband. For your kids and grandkids.  And for your father.”

God had asked her to pray for me BY NAME. And had prompted her to pray for my father.  She had been faithful until He told her to stop.  She said, “About early October, God told me that you were OK now, and I could stop praying.  But, Paula, could you tell me what was happening in your life between Mid-July, and Mid-October?” About this point, I just started sobbing.

I was blessed beyond measure.  And convicted to my core.  When I received that phone message, I had reacted very selfishly, thinking, “Leave me alone.  I’m retired.  I don’t want to give any more school advice.”

God trusted Jenny to be obedient in prayer even when she had no idea why she was praying. Jenny was faithful.  She listened.  She obeyed.

I was absolutely dumbfounded to know that God cared enough about me to ask someone else to pray for our entire family.  How unbelievable to have been mentioned by name. How humbling for me who so often promises, “I’ll pray” and then promptly forgets.

Oh LORD, I want to be a Jenny.  I want to hear Your voice.  I want to be trusted to do Your work.  Make me a Jenny.

Does a Beast of Burden Care If It Has a Name? December 9, 2009

article by Paula Guest/photo by oOlemon

Listening to a missionary in from the field talk about working with the women in Nepal broke my heart.  In Nepal, a woman has no value.  Quite often she doesn’t even know her own name.  The missionary went on, “She was probably given one at birth, but has never heard it spoken.”  A woman is called, “wife of…” “daughter of…” “mother of…” She has no value other than a beast of burden, and does a beast of burden care if it has a name?

In Nepal, a woman’s only worth is in the number of sons she bears.  Each son will bring home a wife – to work the fields, carry the water, cook the meals.  The more sons, the more wives, the more status the mother-in-law has.  A woman with no sons has no value.  A widow with daughters has even less.

Listening to the story of the women as they learned to write their name, and for the first time saw themselves as having worth, was enough to break even the most callused heart.

How blessed we are to know the Creator God, who not only knows our name, but has it engraved on the palm of His hand. Each of us. It is beyond thinking. Each of us has intrinsic value, because we are created in the image of a God who knows us, and loves us.

Our value comes, not from what we accomplish.  Not from what we do.  Not for who we are.  But from who He is.

Did you know that God thinks about you??  Another translation for the well known verse from Jeremiah “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,” is “I know the thoughts I think for you.”  God is THINKING about us. EACH of us.  Individually.  By name.

How awesome is that??

What’s in a Name? December 7, 2009

article by Paula Guest/photo by Christiana Childers

One morning while running errands with three young grandchildren in tow, we began discussing names for their soon to arrive new baby brother.  Dillan, age four, began asking me what everyone’s ‘whole name’ was.  “What is Isaac’s name?”
“Isaac Michael Guest”
“What is Jocelyn’s name?”
“Jocelyn Elaine Guest”
“What is Papa Ron’s name?”
And so on until we had named every cousin, aunt, uncle, and parent.

In sheer delight he cried, “We all have the same name!” And so began a somewhat lengthy discussion on what it means to be part of a family. What an incredible, bone deep, sense of security comes from knowing that you belong to a family who will love and protect you, no matter what. That you not alone, nor ever will be.  And, although I didn’t discuss it with a four year old, how important it is to take care to keep your ‘good name’, not doing anything to bring shame or disgrace to your family name.

My heart immediately turned to our greater family – the family of God.  And the new name we have adopted, “Christian,” child of God.

If we find peace and security in our earthly family, how much greater is that peace and security in our Heavenly family?  How much greater care should we take to bring honor to the Name above all names?

To be called a ‘child of God’, and to bear His Name, is an honor that we cannot grasp.  It brings eternal security that we cannot fathom.  In 2 Chronicles 7:16, speaking of Solomon’s temple, the LORD said, “I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever.  My eyes and my heart will always be there.”

We are told in the New Testament that our very bodies have become the temple of the LORD. 1 Cor 3:16 “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?” WE are God’s temple, and He has promised that HIS name will be within us forever.  That HIS eyes, and HIS heart will be with us always.  Wow!

And the ‘new name’ that He will bestow upon you.  Do you ever wonder about that??  What will my name be for all eternity?  And how will it reflect on how God sees me?

Being Known December 4, 2009

article by Melissa Twitchell/ photo by Christiana Childers

Well, God continues to show me how much He loves me in some of the most ordinary and simple ways but also in the most extraordinary ways.

I have felt extremely isolated in the last couple of months. Like Becky, I am new to the area so my long-time friends and family are far away. I also work remotely for a health care system in Oregon, so the people I work with are long distance too.

I started to focus on how lonely I was feeling. I cried about it several times.  With the baby coming, I didn’t see any new opportunities for relationship building in the near future and my existing relationships seemed stalled.

I even wondered about who would throw me a baby shower.  Don’t get me wrong when I say this…I just wanted to have a local relationship that would be far enough along and deep enough for this to occur.  I do have one person that fits that definition but her life had more than enough going on in it.

Why was I so lonely?  What was bothering me so much about it this time?  I thought about John and me not really having strong roots here or anywhere because we’ve moved around quite a bit.  I wondered about what this would mean as we raised our child?  Who would fill those supporting roles in our child’s life? I started to pray about it.

One recent Sunday morning, I was in the shower thinking about it again and the reason started to solidify.  I wanted to be known, to be missed, to be valued.  How many people really know me?

Almost immediately, Psalm 139 came to mind. It’s one of my favorite Psalms.  It’s about how God searches and knows the author inside and out.  It’s about how God knew about the author before he was even born and had all his ordained days written in His book. It hit me hard…God knows me!  He knows me in a way that I have only dreamed about.  And because He knows me that should be sufficient for me.  I felt better.

That morning I prayed at breakfast and asked that He would speak directly to me that morning.  That morning Pastor Jonathan was teaching on Phil 1:12-26.  His two takeaways spoke to me.  The first was centering all aspects of our lives on Jesus.  That when we lose focus things tend to go awry.  This was part of my problem.  Over the last couple of months, I have let my focus slip.  I have been focusing on my physical pain, my loneliness, planning for the baby, on John’s employment situation and definitely not my relationship with Jesus Christ. The second take away hit home with me…

We were to make much of Christ and our actions should make Him known. I should be worried about making Jesus Christ and what He has to offer known…not about making myself known.  What Jesus has to offer me thrills me or at least it used to.  I remembered when I first really understood what His offer meant to me and how I wanted to share that with everyone. It had been awhile since I had felt that way.  I was so humbled and thrilled to have heard from Him so clearly.  I felt a million times better and didn’t even think about feeling lonely until the next night.

The following day, God showed me I was known both by Him and others in eight different, unique and definitely God-inspired situations. In one situation, I had heard from one of my co-worker on maternity leave who logged into her email to wish me a ‘Happy Birthday’, to tell me that she missed talking to me and she would try to call and talk later in the week.  In another situation, John heard from someone in our Sunday class that he had missed seeing us in class yesterday.  The other situations were just as random and awesome.  I think the most awesome situation, which also was my last situation from the day, was an offer by someone to throw me a baby shower.  This is the same person who has so much going on in her life that I would have never fathomed her volunteering.

I felt so incredibly loved by God that evening.  I knew that without a doubt it was all God’s doing.  I knew that He gave me all these to remind me of His love for me and to let me know He knew all of my needs.  My job was to focus on His Son and make much of Him and the rest will fall the way it is suppose to.

Are you Interruptible? December 1, 2009

This has been quite a week for our family. We have lost a treasured friend – a young man that was just 20 years old. In a moment – our world was thrown into a new world of grief and loss. It was such a shock for us – especially my son as this loss was his friend and pal. That day was saturated in memories, tears, and sadness as we tried to grasp the reality of his death. The next day the kids and I spent the entire day together. We went to the aquarium and out to lunch. We walked and walked, enjoying the perfect weather. We had the opportunity to process our grief together – to cry, talk, and share our feelings and thoughts. A dear friend of mine, Jane mentioned to me that she was glad I was “interruptible”. I didn’t worry about what I had to do…(I didn’t go to work, I rescheduled appointments, cancelled a lunch date etc.) to be there with my kids. I have been processing that word “interuptable” all week. Reaching out to others – investing in people really means being interruptible and available. Going into hard places – with a hug or a smile, being willing to make a meal, or weed a garden or going out for coffee. Being willing and available to share Jesus. These are the things that matter. The gift of time! This week has brought a lot of things into clearer focus for me. Are you available and interruptible?

Julie