Women’s Ministries

Patience & Waiting: My Two Year Lesson (part 1 of 3) October 6, 2009

article submitted by Melissa Twitchell/photo by Tammy Circeo

My Nature & The First Year

Okay, I will be honest.  I have never been very good at being patient and waiting.  I have always been anxious to have my plans happen right now or on its way with a definite end/deliverable date.  When I rededicated my life to Christ a couple of years ago, this didn’t tendency didn’t disappear overnight.  In fact, my impatience or my “making things happen” just changed in its looks but not feel.  For example, I was very moved and passionate about God’s overwhelming and earth-shattering grace and His transformational power. Please note I still am.  Anyway, I was ready to fully surrender and become a “mature” Christian overnight.  I was doing everything I could in my power to soak up wisdom and try to apply it immediately to my life.  Let just say, that didn’t happen and I have learned since that it will be a life-long journey and not a destination.

My biggest example was my journey on becoming a mother.  I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I remember.  In high school, I wanted ten or twelve kids, both biological and adoptive, and wasn’t shy about sharing my desire to be a mom. I loved the original Cheaper by the Dozen movie and my girlfriends thought I was nuts. My life plan was to be married by age 24 and starting to have kids by age 26.  As I got older, my desire for 10 to 12 kids dropped to 4 but my timeline was still there, as well as, the belief that I would have no problem having children.

Skip forward to two years ago…my husband and I were finally ready to start trying to “start a family.”  Granted, I was 28 ½ and past my life goal timeline but that didn’t matter.  What was two and a half years?  So as we started, my only new timeline was to make sure I was a mom before I turned 30.  And to help with that, I pushed my husband into undergoing medical tests to make sure we were ready to go from the beginning.  Let’s just say my husband wasn’t thrilled with being pushed into this.  I felt bad but not enough to stop because I didn’t want us wasting time trying if it was going to be an issue from the beginning.

When we got the green light, I was diligent in charting, timing and making sure that all the pieces were in place so we’d have the best chances every month…but nothing happened.  Month after month, I would get the reminder that we still weren’t pregnant.  I still remember the deadline month passing. December 2007 was the last month we could possibly conceive and me still be a mom before 30.  It came and went.  I was a little upset at first because I was going to be an “old” first-time mother.

During this time, I was on a transformational track with God. I began to let go of my timelines. After a year of normal trying, we went back and were offered IUI to help in assistance.  A year ago, my husband needed undergo surgery for another unrelated issue. We definitely made sure to ask and confirm that it should have no impact on our efforts. Unfortunately, the surgery did have a disastrous effect and resulted in what is essentially a permanent impairment on our ability to conceive.

Editor’s note: This is entry 1 out of 3 of Melissa’s story. Please check back this week to read the “rest of the story”.  Comment at anytime.

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